I’ve been working on a plan to conquer mars for some time (if the zombie apocalypse doesn’t materialize). I like the color red, and Mars is a really cool place.
First, it’s gonna take time to conquer entire planets, starting with Mars and moving on to Earth (and maybe beyond). Patience is a virtue.
2030 – Medical Science Extends Lifespan
By 2030, stem cell research, telemerase therapy and genetic manipulation will have extended the average humans expected lifespan to at least 150 years. Of course, as time goes on improvements in medical technology as well as the technological augmentation of humans will extend life further, so its unclear what the true lifespan of humans could be.
I jump onto these therapies early, resulting in a permanent existence with the health and appearance of a 30 year old.
I do decide to keep my prosthetic arm, lost in an accident involving the upgrade of my home security robot to Windows 20, SP2.
Hey, it’s nice and strong and has excellent dexterity.
2035 – First Human Presence on Mars
A collaboration of corporations led by McDonalds get the great idea of swinging asteroids from the asteroid belt into earth orbit in the form of giant corporate logos and advertisements. As Mars is an obvious refueling and provisioning stop for such an activity due to its large water reserves, McDonalds and Walmart fund the establishment of a settlement on Mars.
2045 – First Children on Mars
Hey, those colonists can get bored. At least the advertising executives. The water miners, pilots and such tend to have too much real work to do to have kids.
2060 – I Go to Mars
Due to an unfortunate incident involving a sheep and a congressman from the ultraconservative state of Washington, I’m forced to forge false identity documents including a long resume as a young advertising executive with an aerospace background. Coca Cola loves me and ships me out to Mars on the next flight.
2062 – The Children of Mars are Teenagers
As teenagers prone to do, they of Mars rebel against their advertising executive parents on the surface. They secretly study to become, ugh, engineers.
I come out to them as a fugitive software developer with robotics experience and start teaching, in secret, in my ample spare time. Remember, I’m an advertising executive. I’ve a desk, some of those executive toys, and a bunch of administrative assistants to do all my work. I never installed solitaire 2058 on my neural implant so I actually tend to use my brain. They kids also rebel by secretly not eating fast food. They start underground hydroponics labs.
2065 – War Breaks Out on Earth
The fast food wars break out on Earth. The re-introduction of tasty trans fat by KFC drives their sales numbers through the roof. People are addicted. Heart disease becomes a factor in life span again, both for those with natural hearts and those with artificial hearts. Those fats tend to clog the mechanisms. The other fast food companies begin a nasty advertising campaign against the now very powerful KFC. KFC retaliates with a tactical nuclear attack on the Dominos headquarters. McDonalds destroys the KFC trans fat factories. The 65% of the population of the US addicted to trans fat rebels. The government uses harsh techniques to quell them. The government is overthrown. Non trans fat addicts fear for their rights, and civil war breaks out. It spills over to the rest of the world.
Mars is left to fend for itself.
2068 – The Adults of Mars Go Feral
As they’ve no shipments of frozen chicken nuggets, the advertising execs, space pilots and miners go feral and start hunting one another, frying up people mcnuggets. I take the kids and run for the hills.
2070 – Martian Reconstruction
The young engineers, scientists and other talented people under my care re-activate the robotic construction systems used to build the initial colonies and construct a new colony near the summit of Olympus Mons. The elect me colony leader.
2075 – Migration from Earth
Word leaks to the oppressed on earth who are sick of the corporate superculture, war, and so on. They hijack the remaining dormant space transports and begin to migrate to the mostly empty Mars. The colony grows to 10,000 in two years, and then another 2000 are born a year later. These migrants are so grateful they re-elect me.
2080 – Construction of Migration Ships
Millions clammer for asylum from the CSW (Consumer States of Walmart.) Walmart had absorbed the remaining fast-food chains and had pushed all other ventures out of business. We activate the space-based automated asteroid retrievers and drive numerous asteroids to Mars, converting them to migration vessels with the automated McDonalds logo conversion machines. We paint the giant M-shaped ships red, though. Red for Mars.
2090 – The First Wave of the Migration Fleet Arrives at Earth
And Walmart is not pleased to lose consumers. They launch numerous old ICBMs at the martian fleet and decimate it. Only 25% of the fleet remained, and was able to carry 5000 asylum seekers.
2100 – We Create Military Migration Fleet
We build new ships and arm them with nuclear weapons, biological weapons targeting those with high trans-fat content, and nanotechnology capable of targeting earth-based weaponry.
I’m named supreme commander of the new military fleet.
2105 – We Turn Towards Earth
We begin our trek to earth, dragging numerous asteroids with us.
2107 – Conquest
We deploy our weapons, including numerous asteroids, which take out major military installations as well as corporate headquarters.
We load the asylum seekers on ferry vessels and ship them to Mars, now with utopian colonies.
2107.1 – The Corporate Boards of Earth Concede
The resources of earth are now ours. Taking a queue from previous invasions and occupations (The Roman Empire, The Ottoman Empire) we build schools, hospitals and so on. The remaining people who were reluctant to get involved in the corporate consumer culture gladly attend them. I break up the corporations and try to start democracy, but retain supreme command of the Martian fleet.
2108 – Famine
Distribution of chicken mcnuggets has ceased. food is running out. people are in trouble. We establish factories making food based on soy spliced with kelp as the land can support no farming.
2110 – Meat
The trans fat addicts refuse to eat healthy food based on kelp-soy. We establish meat factories using the only remaining source of meat, the malcontent residents of earth.
2115 – Return to Dictatorial Rule
After attempting democratic rule for a short period, it becomes obvious that the previously consumer culture simply cannot make good decisions. I start a silent coup and regain control of the governments of earth, placing the educated in charge under the Martian military. I become supreme commander of Earth as well as Mars.
2118 – A New Royal Movement
A royal movement starts in Britian, with people wanting to return to the old ways. It spreads quickly and they elect me regent. As I am also supreme commander of Mars, I’m elected Empress of the solar system.
2125+ – Equilibrium
Due to the very large population of earth, we need to control growth. The death rate has increased since the return of trans fat, but it’s still quite low. We also need good planning as to roles in society. Breeding is controlled to produce those more suitable for work in the algae pits, those more suitable for administrative duties, etc. The new generations become content in their roles, as they are bred to be.
See Brave New World by Aldous Huxley for details.